Lamentations

My Spirit is beaten.

I don’t want to dance anymore.

I don’t want to sing.

I don’t want to look up at anyone.

I don’t want to look down on anyone. 

I’ve always been here, my body limp and dead.

Not even the predators want to eat me. 

I’m still alive, I just don’t know when’s the right time to move.

When she came I felt safe and protected,

And went under her care.

I walked alongside her…

But then I got lost trying to find my way out without her.

And now I’m laid bare.

I could wait again, playing dead until I find the right time to move.

But my spirit has decayed and now it says it doesn’t care if I survive.

My body needs to move again, but my spirit doesn't easily lend to that.

To move, jump into the void, and reap all of its benefits and consequences. Something I fear, something I hate, something I love, something ... what is it that I am missing?

Unless this is all there is, and my spirit is truly death itself: not letting in any light from others, nor offering respite to anyone seeking solutions. Maybe I am the end of everything.

A glimpse at the tinderbox inside my body gives me some hope. I want to light it, and for it to last until I leave this cave of self-annihilation. But if I light it, will I burn alive, will someone find me and kill me, ... will I regret it?

To sit in the dark is not an option anymore. If I burn, then so be it.